Things you shouldn't do with a toddler

I am slowly creating a list of things one should not do with a toddler. Screeching up the chart to number 1, even surpassing the "don't leave your toddler on a sofa, leave the room and expect her not to fall off and hurt herself" comes one from the Boy yesterday.

Do not fling your toddler down a water slide at the pool, head first, when her mother is shouting "don't" and is not even at the bottom to catch her. Apparently he didn't see the signs in bright red saying children under 12 should only go down with an adult, or the other red sign saying it was dangerous to go down head first. Eve, completely unimpressed at the slide and going head first into a deep pool of water only to be pulled out by a worried, and angry, Mummy was not very happy. She stuck to me, limpet like, and refused to go anywhere near her father until we were a long way from the pool. Sensibly so.

Protection

After the pregnancy guilt (don't drink, don't smoke, don't swear, don't drink the water, or eat the food, and for goodness sake don't have sex - it's what got you into this mess), and then the new Mum guilt (must breastfeed, don't leave your baby to cry, do leave your baby to cry, have a routine, don't feed solids too early, too late) you then get the safety guilt.

Once Eve started moving under her own steam we dashed out to get all manner of protecting safety gadgets for the flat. We have those funny plastic covers for the plugs, little soft plastic things for the corners of our cupboards that are built into the wall to carefully end at baby head height, and things to stop Eve opening the kitchen cupboard where the bleach is kept. Once we had bought the safety items the Boy and I spent one Sunday morning while Eve was napping fixing them to everything.

The first issue was that I managed to break the one on the kitchen cupboard. No sooner had the Boy spent ages fiddling with it to get it in the right place - think about it, you are fixing something in a cupboard than only really fits when the cupboard is closed - than I went to get out a bin liner and snapped the whole thing off. I tried to fix it, but gave up after about 3 minutes and the broken safety gadget now sits on our kitchen window sill until we either put it back on or throw it away.

The plug sockets are still in, but I always forget to put them back in after we have used the plugs.

The best, however, are the corner covers. Eve thinks they are a brilliant thing, and rips them off and plays with them. She loves how they stick to her fingers and she finds it hilarious. However, being a good Mummy I take them off her each time and fix them back on.

Tonight, when I was getting ready for Eve's bath I watched her pull off the corner protector, drop it under the cupboard whereupon she reached under the cupboard to get it, hitting her head on the corner in the process. She didn't seem in the least bit bothered so the corner protector is now on the floor waiting for Eve to come and play with it.