I go back to work in just over 2 weeks and have been dreading it. As Eve gets older and more interactive, she gets more fun to be with. She is especially fun in the morning when, after the Boy goes to work and Eve is fed, we play in bed together and she is at her most adorable. I found myself the other morning at 8.30 getting all tearful because this lovely mummy-daughter time I have had since Eve was born will be when I am on my way to the office.
The basis of my desire to be a full time mum is mainly rooted in the horror that strikes me that someone else will be her main carer and will be the person who will be there for her when she is sick or needs a cuddle if she falls over. This is entirely about me and my emotions, our nanny is brilliant and Eve will be loved and cared for wonderfully. I am just not sure I want someone else to fulfill what I think should be my role.
However, it has been useful that over the past few days since my parents left and I have looked after Eve full time on my own, I have had a sense of what full time motherhood would be like. After all, one should go into a job knowing what the role and responsibilities are before taking it on.
What I am about to say may offend some, but the truth needs to be told.
I love my daughter and I am having a great time with her. However, by 5pm today I was bored. There are only so many times you can sing "Head, shoulders, knees and toes" before it does your head in and you start substituting other body parts. I have found that many nursery rhymes lend themselves to naughty or rude versions if you are in a creative mood. I even found myself doing the washing up this afternoon for something different to do.
Of course every time Eve smiles or giggles, it lifts me. She has started to chat in baby talk and loves singing along with me. All this is adorable and a lot of fun. But some people like babies, some people find them a bit boring. I love Eve and she is more interesting than most, but my brain has not worked (other than reading the Economist) for 3 months now and it wants to get back in shape.
So, providing I can get flexible hours or maybe working from home a couple of days a week, I am really rather looking forward to being a Mum and having a career. A decision made not too late considering I am back at work shortly.
Analogies of a sort
1 week ago