Tuesday, September 23, 2008


A prime example of the women at my church came last Sunday. We are all learning songs for an upcoming children's service (which I can't make because I am racing). All the children, some 50 or so, left the service for practice. Eve, being neither able to sing nor dance not play a musical instrument sat at the front with me and stared in wide-eyed amazement at what was happening before her, as did I but for quite different reasons.

The practice was led by what I can only describe as supermom on speed. She was heavily pregnant and wearing a floaty outfit and dangly earrings befitting of someone in a commune in the 1970s. She had a constant smile, knew all the children by name (I have never seen her in church before so goodness knows how), and was a perky, happy, smiley bundle of energy singing "Father Abraham had many sons" at the top of her voice with gay abandon. I can't quite pinpoint why I found her so scary, maybe it was the sheer American perkiness of her, or that I couldn't understand why anyone that heavily pregnant was jumping up and down so much. But she was, quite simply, frightening.

Every so often I would look around me to wonder whether I was the only one fearing for her sanity, and my safety. However, all the other parents seemed to think this was perfectly normal. When she started to do a mock crucifix impression during one song I almost fled for the door. But, like a good and god fearing parent, I sat there with Eve on my lap, sang the songs, did the actions, and taught Eve to clap.

She was accompanied, as befitting of such a situation, by a man playing an accordion.


LottieP said...

...I rest my case.

Grande Poobah said...

this reminds me of christmas at my parents' church. should be said that they are keen church goers and i'm not, mainly because to me, their brand of christianity seems to take away the responsibility to think for yourself and abdicate it to others, which certainly doesn't work for me as an idea. anyway.....

point of the post was the vivid memory of one christmas at St Chad's. the singing group comprises a professionally trained singer, some keen amateur musicians and the singer's husband on drums, who is not even a keen amateur but you can imagine scored the role on his wife's insistance. this motley crue led us through a medley of christmas tunes, including Cliff Richard's "saviour's day", culminating in a rousing chorus of "Happy Birthday to Jesus".

Couldn't make it up. I now go to the evening service if I'm back, as, being more of a traditionalist you get all of the good hymns then.

Sabina said...

You have brought back scary memories of when I (very briefly) dated a 'christian' during my uni years and went along to one of his church services.
Very pleasant, and everyone most friendly until they started to query my beliefs and attempt to convert me... when the chanting and arm-swaying began in time to the rock band (called 'Born Again', I kid you not, with my then boyfriend playing the guitar), and everyone had to hug each other I took my leave pretty quickly.

And of course he was devastated when we split (how he failed to see this coming still baffles me) and went crying his eyes out to my mum!!

Give me small children and a full mass any day :)