By popular request

Well, one request at least - so here is my rant about expat wives in HK.

Before I become too judgmental and insulting (be warned, I will be both), I want to make it clear that this is NOT a rant about mums who stay at home. I think anyone who looks after their children full time has the patience of a saint. I say this as someone who could not get her daughter to sleep this afternoon so caved after two hours and gave her to the nanny who got her to sleep in 5 mins (I like to think this is because I smell of milk = food but who knows). This is a rant about a completely different breed.

When I first arrived in Hong Kong I was setting up a business, and so didn't have a very wide range of friends. The Boy had been relocated with his company so when we first arrived we were invited to lots of events. These were great and we met lots of people who continue to be good friends. However, I also met a group I have never encountered before, those of expat wives - or career wives if you will. I will explain these beings by a few examples.

About 6 weeks after we arrived in HK we were invited to a birthday dinner at one of HK's more posh members clubs. Around the table only I, and one other lady, worked. It was here we met K. I never met K's husband, he always seemed to be overseas and she saw him only a couple of days each month. She had no children and had been, prior to Asia, a pretty senior brand manager. She was bright and funny, which makes the following conversation all the more bizarre. For information, the V below is the other working woman at the dinner, a very successful lawyer.

V (to K) - So what do you do?
K - I am very lucky, my husband's company has a very general spousal programme and they pay for any courses I want to do or clubs I want to join
V - So what do you do?
K - Well, I am learning to play tennis, go to yoga and pilates and am thinking of doing an interior design course
Boy - (trying, in vain, to rescue the situation) I would love not to work, I would row all the time (all turn to the Boy in silence, he goes back to his food)
V - But what do you actually DO??

The answer to this question came when my very good friend, H, was out of work for a couple of months in HK and learnt to play mah jong at the local YWCA. Here she met many expat wives and found them as strange as I did. She informed me that the topics of conversations revolved around 3 things: 1 - problems with the helper or driver 2 - holidays they had booked 3 - diamonds and/or how much their husbands earned.

What amazes me is that when we were looking to move to HK and I didn't know if I would have a job I had applied to do a post grad course at the local uni, as well as scouted for NGOs I could volunteer for. However, no expat wife I have met bar one (who is too feisty to really be an expat wife) do anything for anyone other than themselves. They are, of course, perfectly turned out at all times due to the endless spa appointments.

My final story relates to an expat husband who, at another dinner, treated the fact I ran a business as if I had a little hobby (by this point I had an office in HK and Shanghai, 12 staff and a very healthy P&L). He looked at my Gucci handbag and told me his wife had one similar she had got in Shenzhen (just over the border and a horrible place full of fake handbags and DVDs) and I should go there with her some time. I responded in my nicest voice "Why would I want to do that when I can just go shopping in Gucci in Central?". He shut up then.

To this day I can't help feeling that they are just a bit lazy and have no purpose in life. This is also an inherently dangerous strategy for the wife of anyone, let alone in Asia with all the temptations of very available young and nubile girls. It also seems that, if the experiences of myself and my girlfriends are to go by, your average husband of an expat wife is rather keen on us career girls and rather likes chatting to (hitting on?) us. If you make your whole reason to exist based on someone else, what do you have left if they decide to upgrade to a newer model?

Rant over

The class divide

I went to post natal yoga yesterday. I have dispensed with the mother and baby yoga classes for the time being because not only does Eve seem to hate them, but flinging her around will do no favours for us both in terms of her reflux so I have ditched them.

Thankfully, I can convert the classes I had paid for to the mothers only class so popped along yesterday. It was really good - not only some much needed time to focus on me away from Eve - since she was born I have only spent about 12 hours away from her, less than 2 hours per week - but it also targeted all the bits of my body that are weaker and need help after the pregnancy and I came out calmer and stronger.

The class is a mixed bag, of expats and Chinese, Americans, Brits and Hong Kongers. It did, however, reveal to me that there seem to be two types of mothers in Hong Kong.

The first are those who, and I know I am being uncharitable here, seem to have made being a wife and mother their role in life but don't really do much of the latter. You can tell who they are because their helpers/nannies are always there to meet them after the mother and baby yoga class and whisk the child away, and they are perfectly manicured, pedicured, made up and with great hair (memo to me: I badly need a hair cut). They wear coordinating, branded yoga gear. Their discussions revolve around which classes they are taking their babies to, when they are next going home, and whether to fly economy or business with their baby. (On that last point, don't misunderstand me, I have every intention of taking Eve home posh class and annoying everyone there).

The second group, of which I count myself one, look exhausted and ungroomed. Hair, if brushed at all is scraped back into an untidy bun, nails have seen better days, and our clothes don't really match. Our discussions revolve around sleep, vomit, and what new little trick or giggle our baby has done since we last met.

I was trying to figure out why there is such a big difference between the two groups, and it seems to come down to the mothers who are going back to work (or have twins, which is the same thing in my book) and those who aren't. It's as if those of us who are going back to work are trying to cram in as much hands-on baby time as we can before we leave our little ones to someone else. Of course if you aren't going back to work, or not for the next year or so, then you have much more time to enjoy your child and are therefore happier to leave him or her to the care of someone else.

It also might be something to do with a certain breed of expat wives who make a career out of being perfectly turned out and well rounded at all times. But if I get started on that I will sound like a complete bitch