The incubator speaks

I went to see Dr D today to check on my blood pressure and Bump progress. Good news, blood pressure is stable and Bump performed wonderfully and boogied her way through the scan. Bad news is that my kidneys seem to have joined the breakdance party now and I am having lots of tests. The later stages of pregnancy seem to be a succession of body parts giving up on me.

Sadly, however, Bump seems quite happy where she is. After Dr D saw my glee when he said she could come out now and be fine (perhaps it was me jumping up and down and punching the air that gave it away), he then spent 20 minutes telling me the benefits of keeping her in there for a few more weeks. This seemed to almost entirely involve referring to me as an incubator and describing me in terms more akin to a petri-dish than a living, breathing person.

Somewhat affronted, I left, promising to come back on Monday for my test results and went and bought 4 mince pies and ate all of them when I got back to the office.