The Boy decided to buy a video camera last weekend. After winding me up about buying a bed-level tripod for the birth, I feel it only appropriate to lay down some ground rules regarding video and photo evidence of the new Mum:
1. No pictures during the birth, I will look awful and feel compelled to break the camera, or the husband, or both should any attempt be made to photograph me
2. After the birth photos of me will only be taken once I am wearing make up, have washed my hair and preferably after a facial. You can take as many of the wrinkly, cone headed new baby as you like, but none involving me
3. I will only have my photo taken once wearing the very comfy, and indulgent Elle Macpherson PJs I bought myself at the weekend. They are stylish and expensive
4. Photos of me and baby will involve gentle cradling and adoring looks. Not any where she is screaming and bright red and I look ready to kill someone as a result.
5. There will be no, I repeat, no photos of baby at the breast feeding. It is bad enough that I will feel like a cow, without me having a photographic reminder
And, finally, in the spirit of all top celebs, I will have final approval on any photos taken and have the right to delete any I am in that I don't like.
The sarcastic cynic. Or something like that
5 weeks ago