Sunday, February 17, 2008

Hitting the fan/car park

Not to be outdone by the Boy in the power poo stakes, I too had my own little "incident" last night.

I had arranged to meet LottieP at gym, followed by dinner. So the Boy could go to the gym too, and then do the baby relay baton change with me at 7pm (take note of the time, it will be required later in the post), I took Eve for a nice long walk while the sun set. I walked along the harbour front, reminding myself how lovely it is in HK and how lucky we are to live here. At 6.50 I was nearly back at the yacht club and pottering towards the car to get my kit and hand over Eve. Then something unusual happened, Eve woke up.

Eve never wakes up in her buggy, it is like opium for her, so something was amiss. She was hungry, very hungry.

Now, the yacht club has a perfectly servicable feeding area in the ladies changing room, along with a changing table. However, that would have meant lugging Eve, me, the buggy, change bag and assorted other items up a flight of steep steps. I had also arranged to meet the Boy by the car at 7. The car was so close, and Eve by this point was sounding as if someone was trying to murder her, so I chose the car.

Sadly the Boy had parked in a particularly dark part of the car park. I tried to get into the only back seat without a car seat attachment on it only to find that the Boy has the driver's seat so far back that I couldn't actually get in. Popping Eve down on the seat (please don't pick now to learn how to roll over...) I then wrestled with the driver's seat and pulled it forwards. Then pick up Eve again, and sat down. Hmmm, there is something of a height difference between Eve and my boob when she is lying on my lap so I bundled up my very lovely Nicole Fahri cashmere coat (please don't throw up Eve) and stuck it under Eve's head.

Did I mention she was screaming a lot?

After a couple of minutes of baby starling impressions, Eve was finally eating. I was having to hold her head up, we were in near complete darkness, and she was dribbling a bit (oh my poor coat). However, things were going OK and I even managed to SMS LottieP to say I would be late.

Then came a slightly ominous gurgling noise from her nappy. My instant response, I am ashamed to say was, "not on the bloody coat". However, I figured that it was probably not too bad and Eve was still guzzling away. Besides, the Boy would be back soon as it was now 7.05. Then came a rapid succession of 3, slightly louder, gurgling noises from her nappy. Eve actually paused from eating at this point, so I knew it was bad. I now had two choices, ignore it and let it seep through her clothes (and my coat) or change her. I tried to call the Boy, no joy. I sent an especially petulant SMS to him and then decided to change her.

Please be reminded that I am in the back of a VW Golf, in near darkness, with a screaming and, now, smelly baby. I grabbed the change mat (putting Eve on the floor of the car so I could lay out the mat on the seat - she gets all the glamour, my daughter) and started to change her. The Boy, for reasons best known to himself, had repacked the change bag using Boy logic so it took me twice as long to find anything, meanwhile Eve is screaming again. I get everything ready, and undo her clothes to survey the scene. No leakage, but a very full nappy. Right, time to change.

And then the light in the car turns off. Even with the door open it only stays on a few minutes. So, I shut the door, Eve still lying half naked on the changing mat inside, then open it again so the light comes back on. She has stopped screaming and is now looking a bit bemused. Flinging the dirty nappy and wipes out of the car onto the floor of the car park, I get her changed and clean finally. Then fling the changing mat onto the car park floor as well and commence with feeding Eve.

Did I mention that throughout all of this I had one boob hanging out - I hadn't put it back into my bra yet.

It was to a scene of relative serenity that the boy returned just as Eve had settled to eat again. Only the various changing items flung around the car door was evidence of the chaos a few moments earlier.

So, I trump the Boy's changing fiasco with my own, and the added variable of feeding Eve at the same time.


LottieP said...

All the time this was going on I was sitting peacefully upstairs playing Scrabulous on Facebook, blissfully unaware of the drama going on only metres away.

Next time in the same circumstances I must insist you text "IN CAR PARK STOP HELP STOP" instead, because I would perhaps have at least been able to make myself useful finding the light switch...

The Boy's lawyer said...

I am concerned at the blatant plagiarism, recycling what were admittedly extremely funny jokes, but nonetheless I will be looking into the matter very seriously.

Anonymous said...

Nature is kind and wise.
At least babies start off easy by producing something that looks like mustard before moving onto the Sag Chicken phase and only then gearing up for the truely epic disasters which resemble, in smell, texture and above all quantity, something their parents might make.