Before I had Eve I was not in any way maternal. When friends ask me how I decided to have a baby, I honestly tell them it was because I had always promised the Boy that when I turned 30 I might be willing to have a child and because I had run out of reasons not to. Of course now I think Eve is the best thing I have ever done, but I was very happy with my life and it felt complete without a child.
Which means I am now experiencing broodiness for the first time and it is all a bit scary. I find myself thinking that I would rather like another child more often than thinking about it with horror. Eve is at a adorable age, she is lots of fun, and I think that doing it again and having two would be really special. However, I am not entirely convinced about it. The problem is twofold. Firstly, I hated being pregnant. I have only just got back my pre-pregnancy fitness and vaguely approximate my pre-pregnancy shape and I am not quite ready to give it up yet. Secondly, the first 3-4 months of Eve's life was by far the most miserable, hardest, and sleep deprived of my life. I am so glad that phase is over, and I am not sure I have the patience or mental strength to do it all over again.
The Boy is keen for another.
So, I am taking some baby steps to get a better feel for whether or not to take the plunge again. I have placed our copy of the Rough Guide to Babies in the bathroom to read on the loo. I am trying to engage a bit more with the babies in the playground to remind myself that they aren't all that boring. I am figuring out career choices to accomodate a possible second pregnancy and thinking about what might be timing that would work for all 4 of us.
Watch this space.
The sarcastic cynic. Or something like that
4 weeks ago